A Letter From Camp Milbrestadock

Dear Mom,
Camp is great! I love being far from home, playing with new friends and trying different things. They've given me my own room amongst all the other campers. The coolest part of my room is that it has TWO BEDS! and comes with a complimentary temperature well above Earth norm. And then they have really outdone themselves by adding a guy with a hammer and a metal grinder about one floor down who somehow manages to sound out the changing of each hour THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE NIGHT!!! What service! I expected all kinds of problems with the accommodations but you can't go wrong with your own Grinding-Hammerer-Man!

It's also really cool to listen to people from Norway, India, Germany, China, Greece, Netherlands, France, Italy, Philippines, Canadia, England and Scotland talking in over-the-top LOUD tones constantly. . . every waking minute. . . really, they do! It's awe inspiring to me, and makes me proud of the normally self-conscious human race, that so many people would like me to know how their lives are going AT TOP VOLUME!!!! And usually in a full elevator too! (That's right, Ma, this camp has not one but sixteen elevators to get us where we are going. . . and none of them are ever being repaired. Amazing!) But nothing beats the lively discussions I hear in the meeting room where they let me keep my computer. Truly you have not lived until you experience eight people from seven different countries joyfully arguing about shipments for the camp that have arrived or not arrived or Hell, haven't even been ordered yet when they were needed last week! Joy!

And speaking of my computer! They really went of their way for this one! They must have known that I love antiques. . . and that they are worth the wait. In this case mine might have to be worth a Constant wait but I think she is, so I named her Constance. Oh, and combine that with the awesome power of an internet connection that comes through the camp's satellite network. . . wow! I truly can not say more.

But not everything is so grand here. The food is served all day long but apparently they ran out of lobster some time ago. I'm just kidding! We have fresh seafood every day!!! You see we're right on the water and the camp has no less than fifty people who are fishing or diving all day for the treasure of the sea. Then they have a whole army of chefs who prepare your meal to the exact tastes of your pallet. Mmmm, mmm. Just thinking of the scrambled eggs that are never watery or tasteless and the beef in the stew that must have been cut from the cow that morning because no stew that was ever re-used four days in a row could taste like that! It's all I can do to keep myself out of the eatery!

This camp is great. Now if only I knew what I was supposed to be doing here. . .
Love and Joy,
Your Baby Boy!