So, uh. . . I Guess That Settles It?

So the water and power will be transferred to my name on Friday. Does that mean that the place is all mine at that point?

Of course not.

So the roommate got the job on the private yacht. . . 'cause life is just that hard. Of course, "they" can't leave just yet (two captains and her) cause of the four major storms going on in the region. Of course my version of the weather on the Internet only shows three major storms in the whole world and only two in our region but since when have I been a meteorologist? Of course, never. Of course you can't use the same two words to start ALL your sentences. Of course, it IS fun to try. But of course the part that's the most fun is changing the grammar at the beginning of each sentence 'cause you can't remember the grammatical rule that governs such nonsensical and useless things in this world.

Of course, don't tell Mom or The Candeeman I wrote that. . . . aww hell, don't tell them I wrote anything at all or the red will start flyin'.

Anywhooters, I thought you should all know that I now live in a part of the world that concerns itself with the weather patterns on other continents. That's right, Ladies and Gentlemen, here in the SoFlo we get weather reports for Western Africa. . . and that's awesome.

One tropical storm just came off that coast and while it's slated to pass us on the last satellite projection that I viewed we all know that those babies respect nothing unless it's global cooling, so I guess I better go stock up on vodka, and. . . um, water? Yeah, water. Ooh, and goldfish. You can't wade through your parking lot to go driving during a hurricane if you ain't got your strength up with goldfish.

No bull, there's a guy I work with who's a true "local" and he waits out the hurricanes by driving thru them, and I suppose into them. Of course, he's got an F-350, quad-cab, dually pick-um-up truck so maybe he feels it's his right. . . or his duty. And when I say local you should note that he was born down the street from where we work. Maybe seven percent of the population down here can say that. . . but that's only cause there's no hospital down the street so it's not a popular place to birth a child.

Suppose I should shuffle off to bed. But a final word of warning. . . dissing shuffle board can bring serious physical consequences to one's person. These people down here carry canes. . . and they know how to use them.

ed. note: I can't believe the spellchecker didn't accept SoFlo! The world's gone wrong. Het orslwd ogne gorwn.


TmfC said...

You tell Vinnie that I'm in for a couple of C-notes any time. I'm gonna get me one of those Rascal Scooters and rip laps around that place until they learn to respect my status as a certified shufflologist . Oh, and don't forget to start getting the goldfish with calcium and fiber. A guy your age needs the extra help.

Adam said...

You're found, you're busted and you'll be swimming in red ink by night's end. Of course, that's subject to change.

Beth said...

The mom found you too. Now if I can only remember where that red pen is!

ad said...